To do this, or to do that?

Yesterday read some stuff about World of Warcraft over the net. I think i am seriously falling in love with that game even though i have never even seen that game, let alone played it. And my GRE preparation is way behind with the exam on the 15^th of October. Thats just around 20 days away. Shit, i really am fucked.

So yesterday night, when there was no power and i lay on my bed thinking, a thought cane to my mind. It was a sort of vision of what i actually wanted to do. Being extremely lazy, the idea of going for a PhD was very much troubling. From what i have heard, Researchers have no weekends or weekdays. Every day is the same day with lots and lots and lots of work. This directly contrasts with my plans to buy the Complete Calvin and Hobbes Collection, The Complete J.R.R Tolkien works, the Complete Song of Ice and Fire series and the Complete Wheel of Time series and savour them. So, if i get a nice score in GRE and some great recos and stuff (both of which are not very likely from the current state of things), i will have to spend at least 2 years in the US (a country which i don't like much – don't get me wrong, i love the people there, it is the government's attitude that i hate) and then spend my whole life trying to make the world a better place (which is a very noble effort) at the cost of having no personal life and no time to play games or watch football or rerererere-read my favourite books and savour my favourite foods and music. So do I really want it? Seriously, to tell the truth, I don't know. I have no idea what to do. I have to write GRE coz my parents spent 7000 bucks for me to register, and also a similar amount for TOEFL and if I waste it, I will feel guilty which I don't want to do. So, I will have to give the exam. On the other hand, with my future in plain view, do I really want to give the exam?

Lets say, I didn't get through to any coll. So then i will have to accept the IBM offer. This will take me to some great city where I can enjoy life to the fullest with great friends. This will also ensure that I will be working in an industry in which I have no interest whatsoever. But on the other hand, I will have time to buy all the books that I need, get a broadband connection, buy the first non pirated game that I will have ever bought (World of Warcraft) and play to my hearts content. Seems very persuasive.

So what am I gonna do now? Apart from enjoying my troubled thoughts, I am gonna shut down the laptop and resume my gobbling up of the GRE word lists. Shit. Sometimes it is like all the magic is always on the other side of the fence. But then i guess thats what makes the magic so magical.

Going Open Source

About a couple of weeks ago, a friend and i had a discussion on the whole idea of buying an iPhone with me contending that all Apple products are more gloss and shine than practical value. Well, the discussion ended on piracy and the use of pirated softwares. Back in my room, one point that we had discussed kept repeating itself over and over in my mind, that most of us use pirated softwares because

1. It is much less bother

2. It is available.

So, today, i decided to do something about it and uninstalled MS Office 2007 completely from my laptop. And i am feeling really good about it. Why? Because,

1. It freed up nearly 700 MB on my hard disk. (very important for a space starved man)

2. Get the feeling that i am supporting the Open Source phenomenon.

3. Now i can uninstall a pirated version of Adobe Acrobat Professional 7.0 that i was using to convert word documents into pdfs. This helps me again in 2 ways

a. Saves more space

b. Read point 2

4. Installed Open Office 2.2 which works pretty well and allows me to convert files to pdfs with just one click and without installing another software for it.

And this is the first article that i am typing in OpenOffice. Go open source!!!

Black

Ok…so this is how my desktop looks (ven i am using Firefox)
The Firefox theme is called Aquatint Black.
the Desktop windows theme is basically a modified Media Center “Royale” theme. To match it with the black colour of the browser, I googled some files. (search royale black theme)

Am I Important?

Today, when I was taking a bath, a thought came over me. Remember me raving on and on about not being able to tell vat I wanted to say? That society was a bitch for not allowing me to express my thoughts?

New thought: who cares what I think? Why should anyone allow me to say what I think of this or that? What makes my voice more important? When you are a kid, your opinions are heard coz you are a member of the family, your parents absolutely love you and dote on you and because you r the next generation. But once you r out there in the real world, far away from the comfort and safety of the family and among other people like you, why should your voice be any more important than others? Why should they even bother to listen to what you think about them? Even they have come from the same backgrounds and even they were he kings and queens of their respective homes. Even they will want to be heard. Why should your gospel be of any interest to me?

I am reminded of a character from the “Wheel of Time” series, Lan Mandagoran, the King who was not the King.

His emotions were a small knot in the back of her head, all steely hard determination, sharp as his blade’s edge. She knew the muted pain of old injuries, tamped down and ignored.

Now, that is some man.

Isn’t the world a real bitch? Unfair, unyielding and totally devilish towards you? It really is a pathetic life.

But then as Mat Cauthon said 2 posts ago,

Almost dead yesterday, maybe dead tomorrow, but alive, gloriously alive, today.

Gloriously, beautifully alive today. And that is why, despite being bitchy, it is a magical world.

Some More Quotes

Continuing the quotes festival, here are some from one of my All time favourite games, Max Payne (1 and 2). Again, Personal favourites have been boldened.

• Luck always came with a price tag.
• Your rights will be read at your funeral.
• I don’t know about angels, but its fear that gives men wings.
• Nothing is a cliché when it’s happening to you.
• He was trying to put out my flames with gasoline.
• You’d find that Lady Luck was really a hooker, and you were fresh out of cash.
• Throw the rules out the window? Odds are you’ll go that way too.
• The genius of the hole: no matter how long you spend climbing out, you can still fall back down in an instant.
• There are no choices. Nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes afterwards, when you ask “Why me?” and “What if?” When you look back and see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or forked lightning. If you had done something differently, it wouldn’t be you, it would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions.
• In a nightmare, every choice you make is a wrong one.
• One thing you can count on: You push a man too far, and sooner or later he’ll start pushing back.
• The trouble with wanting something is the fear of losing it, or never getting it.

Some Great Quotes

Ok ,it is 4 in the morning and I have not yet slept. I don’t plan to. Today will be our last exam. After that, sort of mini vacation for 4 days coz the other elective exam finished only on he 19^th. Good for us. So I can stay awake today without fear of missing any classes.

Exams are a pain in the ass and at the same time a pleasure. Imagine, a week of fun. Just memorize a bunch of pages at night and go write all that you know and some things that you don’t know for 90 minutes the next day. That’s life.

Got a couple of new themes for Firefox today. One of them called “Aquatint Black” is actually pretty good. But it contrasted badly with the blue of my Media Centre Theme. So I downloaded the black coloured Royale theme. And now, it looks great. When did I start going for these looks? I was never a person who went for looks (except when it came to girl watching). But then there is something about a computer that seriously freaks me out. Not actually freaks me out but definitely changes me. Consider this: my room is so very dirty. In fact the other day, I noticed that cobwebs had grown all over the room corners and actually had reached within half foot about my bed. The only reason I cleaned it was because I got sick of watching the spiders walking in their weird way all over my room. But then unlike my room, my computer is so very neat and ordered. All the files are named an indexed correctly. All the songs are updated with all the tags. The movies are in the correct folders and the saved web pages go to their own special folder where they are further sorted. Some of my friends have told me that I am a real screen slave. Well, I dunno. I CAN live without a comp. but then I think, why bother not living with a computer when I have one? (And why do I get the feeling that this line is very similar to the ones used by smokers and drinkers when asked about their addiction?)

Am not gonna sleep today, considering that I have tons left to read up.

Got some great quotes from “Wheel of Time” series by Robert Jordan. They are just too good.

• One pretty woman means fun at the dance. Two pretty women mean trouble in the house. Three pretty women mean run for the hills.- Matrim Cauthon
• The Creator made women to please the eye and trouble the mind.
• A man who trusts everyone is a fool, and a man who trusts no one is a fool. We are all fools, if we live long enough.- Lews Therin Telamon
• Sooner or later there’s always trouble when there’s two humans together.-Elyas Machera
• You can never know everything, and part of what you know is always wrong. Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing that. A portion of courage lies in going on anyways. -Lan Mandragoran
• Nothing ever goes as you expect. Expect nothing, and you will not be surprised. Expect nothing. Hope for nothing. Nothing. -Lews Therin Telamon
• Taking responsibility takes all the joy out of life, and drains a man to dust. -Mat Cauthon
• There are only two times a woman admits she is wrong: when she wants something and when it snows at midsummer. -Mat Cauthon
• Almost dead yesterday, maybe dead tomorrow, but alive, gloriously alive, today. -Mat Cauthon
• Do not trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.
• Always plan for the worst, that way all your surprises will be pleasant ones. -Verin Mathwin

The bold ones are my favourite ones and some of them i have actually thought about myself. like the one about responsibility, planning for the worst, and the one about expecting nothing.

Well, the day is coming. my time is up and I must give way to the daywalkers. Allow me…

Loneliness…I feel Loneliness…

The bloody virus strikes again!!!

10 minutes ago, my Mozilla disappeared (again) and the message was displayed again (I DNT HATE MOZILLA BUT USE IE OR ELSE…). Removed it in about 15 seconds.

College life has taught me many things. But today I realized something. Something that really shook me and shocked me. Something that really freaked me out.

I realized that I am actually a loner.

I prefer loneliness to actually mixing out with other people. Well, I knew that I preferred loneliness long ago itself. But till today, I just thought that it was a part of my laziness. But I was wrong. I AM a loner. I would rather be in my room reading a book rather than be out with my friends (not in all cases, in some cases). One reason I think is because of what I have experienced. To have your trust thrown is a very bad feeling. The feeling of betrayal really makes you feel like you were an asshole and an idiot to just go about trusting everyone else.

So bloody sucky…

Found that the internet is more addictive than I thought it could be.

There is something seriously wrong with eh keyboard in Acer laptops. For the second time, one of my keys got jammed. And this time, it was the backspace key. Have the situation under control now but in my frustration, I had sent an email to the customer support.

My schedule to go back home is a very tiring one. Currently, if I keep up with thast schedule, I will spend 3 full days in train with 2 train changes. Found another train that will make the train changes 1 and will also give me sometime to spend in Cal. So am gonna book for that tomorrow.

Bill, how could u…???

Yesterday was a very frustrating day. Around afternoon, I found out that my lappy was totally fkd. Earlier there was some problem and the option for showing hidden files was not working. And yesterday afternoon, after I had tinkered a little bit with the Group Policy Editor, I found out that all my documents were missing! All my diary entries, accounts, articles, shortcuts, preferences, all were lost! So I go WTF and then I decided to reinstall Windows. I went out looking for a Windows installation Disk and wonders of wonders: I find a 64bit version of XP!!! I had been searching for this thing for a long time. So I happily proceed to install Windows after formatting C: (And losing all my special fonts and some other special files)

Only when I finished installing did I realize that it was SP1. But I think, “I can still update to SP2, so its no problems”. Then I find out that the chipset driver was not getting installed. Soon, it is joined by the touchpad and the sound drivers. Only then do I realize that 64 bit drivers are not to be found that easily. In my desperation I even tried updating the driver in the Windows Website. Even that is unsuccessful. So at last I get really pissed and go searching for another XP Installation disc. And finally at the other end of the corridor, I find it. Today morning finished up the installation. Now I have only the touchpad to configure. Happy me.

Along with cleaning up my comp, I also cleaned up my room and rearranged my furniture. So now,I will not be on the bed the whole time. Coz the laptop is on the table and it is accessible only thru the chair (really sucky sentence construction rite? Guess I am too sleepy).

Registered for TOEFL. Am giving it on the 21^st back home. Also booked the tickets for home. On the night of the 14^th, I leave for Cal (Kolkata). On the night of the 15^th, I return to Ranchi and on the afternoon of the 16^th, board the great Dhanbad Allepey for home. Un4tunately, this time, I will probably be alone in the train. This is gonna be some freaky journey….

Sleeping off

Yesterday, for the first time ever, I fell asleep watching porn.

First of all, let me clear something up. I am not a PORN man. In fact after watching enough and more porn, I actually started getting bored watching porn. All the videos had the same format, same methodology which soon became so boring that I actually got sick of it. So for the past 3 semesters, I have watched no porn. Yesterday I chanced upon Boi in front of his hostel and we got talking. I had my half off so I went with him to meet the old friends who were in the other hostel. We first went to Pondy’s room which was locked and Boi had one of the keys. So we move in and I start up the comp. Boi tells me that Pondy has around 20 GB of porn and I am surprised. I know that Pondy watched porn but I didn’t know that he had 20 GB of it. So I decided to check out his collection and see if he had anything interesting. And when I started watching, I understood that nothing much had changed in the porn film industry over he last 2 years…..it was all still the same boring stuff. And this was when I fell asleep.

I have fallen asleep at some very unlikely places. Once was in IIT Kharagpur where we had gone to see the spring fest. We had travelled overnight in a train and because we didn’t have reserved berths, couldn’t sleep well. Now once we reached there, we split up and start exploring. Varun and me decided to see how the rock music trials were going on. And that’s where, in the front seat, with rock bands doing their best to make as much noise as possible, in front of an arrangement of 32 HUGE speakers, that we both fell asleep. I remember being woken up every now and then because my balls where vibrating when the bass went too high. Must have demoralized all the participants badly. Imagine them screaming and doing their best to impress the audience when suddenly to their shock, they observe 2 of the audience, nodding off, in the front row seats!

Finally people are paying me the money that they owe me. So for a short amount of time I will be rich. The pooja holidays have been announced. So now I have to book tickets for that. This, coupled with paying back the money that I have borrowed from others will make me a beggar. Again.

Tomorrow have a lab exam. Viva and stuff. Boring. Everone knows that it is a farce. Everyone including the profs who do it just because the job requires them to. They are even more bored than we are when these ‘tests’ go on.

Started seriously listening to Dido. She’s good. Real good.

Looking back, it was a good thing that I uninstalled iTunes. Now I can hear songs anytime I want. even when I am playing games an stuff, all I have to do is make the skin the classic one and minimize Winamp and it consumes around 2 MB of RAM. Which is brilliant compared to iTunes which takes around 45 MB and a lot of the processor too.

Me signing off. Cya later.