If it were all true…

They keep saying that Gmail has brilliant spam filter and all but every time I open my inbox, I have truckload of spam waiting for me. If all of them were telling the truth and if I used their products,

1. I would probably have a 100″ penis and all the females I hump would probably die coz of the intense pleasure.
2. I would have enough stamina to have sex for weeks on end.
3. Viagra would replace rice as my staple food.
4. Prozac would be the dessert.
5. Flowers and gifts would be insanely cheap, to the point of being worthless.

IMBA images

Found this in Digg. Check out the alphabets written in the CAPTCHA box. Click here for the actual link.

Pretty Self explanatory ad for STABILO erasable pens.

And some interesting T-Shirt messages. (maybe a little explicit)

2 Regular events

I shall discuss two very regular events here.

The first…

Railway budget is out for this year. Pretty interesting one. Further reduction in fares, lots of new trains, upgradation of facilities and lots of assorted goodies.

And new trains for Kerala!!! That’s a pretty rare phenomenon since what we usually get is extension of trains to the next major town. Which is usually pretty useless. But this time, there is going to be a new train from Kochuveli (Trivandrum/Thiruanathapuram) to Amritsar and another from Kochuveli to Dehradun. Rajdhani is now tri-weekly from the previous bi-weekly, Bangalore-Coimbatore Express had been extended upto Ernakulam, and a new passenger train will be started b/w Shoranur and Nilambur Road.

On top of all this, Lalu announces that the Railways profit has touched 25,000 crores. Seems like he is doing some good after all.

And the second…

Exams start day after tomorrow. As is the norm,

1. Power cuts have returned in full fury.

2. All the photocopiers in the near vicinity are having a real tough time copying all those notes and solutions.

3. On top of that the students are having a REALLY difficult time trying to get serious about the exams.

4. AND, I have started reading novels again. n^th reading of Wheel of Time, n->∞.

The universe really is conspiring against me.

A couple of days ago met Divya on Gtalk. During the short chat, she said that college life was the most enjoyable of all times and enjoy it as much as you can. Yesterday I called up Appa and he had the exact same thing to say.

Well, it is not like I am not enjoying college life. In fact, I have never had so much fun in my life. But even here, 2500 km from home, I am still dependent on my parents for everything (read MONEY). What I look forward to most is financial independence. Having your own money, never having to depend on others. I have even made up a list of things that I want to do once I start earning. (really huge list…its scaring me!).

Inspiration strikes at the most unlikely of times. For me, those moments are like the moments when a pen and paper and un-accessible like when I am taking a leak or when I am playing Warcraft TFT on lan or when I am having food. A senior of mine said that his greatest ideas came when he was in the shithouse. Wherever it is, every single time, inspiration strikes when you are completely immersed in some other job. And when you have a short term memory problem like I have ( I forget the exam Qns a mere 15 minutes after exiting the exam hall), it is next to impossible to remember what the inspiration was. So many times, I get this really interesting idea to write about and post here but invariably, in a couple of minutes, I forget it. And then I sit in front of my lappy trying to recollect everything in vain.

Ever noticed how easy it is to remember the lyrics of some crappy song you heard just a couple of times but how difficult it is to mug up just a couple of pages for the next days exam? Seems really unfair. As Calvin would say, 'The Universe conspires against me'.

Food food everywhere, not an edible bite anywhere…

Missed class again today. This is getting really irritating. In the mornings, we have just one class nowadays since it is marriage season and some of the profs have gone to get married. Brilliant things, expect that it is really difficult to wake up in the morning to attend just one class. That too when the Prof in question is notorious for not turning up when the students attend the class.

Anyways, in the evening, Parate and Mohanty gave their birthday treats. The whole gang came. There was lots of food, fun and booze (of course). And as is the norm, one person puked all over the place. A couple of then got so wasted that they couldn’t walk straight and had to be put into rickshaws on the way back.

The other day evening, I was seeing a BBC Documentary about India. Pretty interesting stuff. There was this small part of the cuisines and stuff and hey showed some brilliant South Indian dishes. The sight of them literally made my heart ache. 15 minutes later, I was in the mess or dinner with te images of those dishes still in my mind. The moment I entered the mess, the smell hit me. You know, the kind of smell that says ‘bad-rice-boiled-potatoes-gooey-dal-the-come-enjoy-the-worst-possible-food’. I got so disgusted that I left after having a glass of water, choosing to go hungry rather than eat that imba pathetic food.

Today is the 20^th of February. In less than 3 months, I am outta this place. Time flies when you are having fun and ambles along so bloody slowly when you are getting fucked (figuratively of corz ).

Love is in the Air

Valentines Day: A corporate gimmick when stupid people are encouraged to go spill their innermost desires for a person. Also, a day for the smart people to sit back and watch the idiots sweat their way through proposals and what not.

Valentines Day here was fun. Especially for our batch. Being the outgoing batch students, people see this as the last chance to go propose to their ’soul mates’.

One guy proposes to a girl and comes back all shivering and trembling. When asked what happened, he said “Man it was scary. I proposed but by that time I was shaking so much that I didn’t even wait for her reply and asked her to take her time to decide and ran back”. BTW, she accepted his proposal later that day.

Another guy, this time a Mallu, proposes to Mots who is my best friend and my classmate.

Sreekanth, if you are reading this, don’t read the rest of the post. Am dead serious. For once please listen to me. If you read this, its your burden. Don’t come crying or shouting to me after. Again, am begging you, please don’t read the rest. Anyone else reading this, please don’t tell Sreekanth what follows.

Unfortunately I know her rather too well and know what she is going to say to a proposal. And so I am torn in my mind. Do I go tell the guy that it is pointless and she is going to say no and break his heart even before he has a chance to talk to her? OR do I just wait and watch the guy getting rejected?

In the end I decided that experience teaches better than any friend. So I did not tell him that he was going to be rejected. Instead, I arrange everything so that these 2 souls can meet and have a heart to heart discussion. When I see that they are too shy to talk to each other, I go sit there as a mediator so that they can at least talk to me instead of sitting and looking at the table. I keep giving him small doses of optimism ( as any friend should) but no too much that he would get all puffed up. And finally, today, 4 days after the proposal was put forward, she tells him no. Actually, she wanted to tell him no the moment he proposed to her. But because she was feeling so awkward and because she is good at heart, she didn’t tell him no then and there.

Anyways, just needed to get this off my chest. Sreekanth is being this eternal optimist and hoping that she will some day change her mind. Futile attempts, but why should I bother? I am just being a neutral observer.

In my opinion, here is only one thing that rejection actually teaches you. It gives you a terrible heartache. Then it teaches you that time is the best healer there is.

O Fortuna…

Name : O Fortuna
Movement : Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi
Album : Carmina Burana, (composed 13th century)
Language : Latin
Composer : Carl Orff (1935-1936)

O Fortuna (Chorus)

English Translation

O Fortuna velut luna statu variabilis, semper crescis aut decrescis; vita detestabilis nunc obdurat et tunc curat ludo mentis aciem, egestatem, potestatem dissolvit ut glaciem. Sors immanis et inanis, rota tu volubilis, status malus, vana salus semper dissolubilis, obumbrata et velata michi quoque niteris; nunc per ludum dorsum nudum fero tui sceleris. Sors salutis et virtutis michi nunc contraria, est affectus et defectus semper in angaria. Hac in hora sine mora corde pulsum tangite; quod per sortem sternit fortem, mecum omnes plangite!

O Fortune, like the moon you are constantly changing, ever waxing and waning; hateful life first oppresses and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty and power it melts them like ice. Fate – monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is vain and always fades to nothing, shadowed and veiled you plague me too; now through the game I bring my bare back to your villainy. Fate is against me in health and virtue, driven on and weighted down, always enslaved. So at this hour without delay pluck the vibrating strings; since Fate strikes down the strong man, everyone weep with me!

This is one of those songs that everyone has heard but no one knows the name of the song or any details. Well, search in youtube and hear the song. I remember hat there was an Old Spice After Shave ad which had this song as the background. Then there was some movie about King Arthur which had this song. well, check it out…its definitely worth it.

Why!…

Why!…
Enigma
‘Le Roi Est Mort, Vive Le Roi!’
Virgin Records, 1996

I was childish and unfair
To you, my only friend
I regret, but now it’s too late.

I can’t show you any more
The things I’ve learned from you
Cause life just took you away .

I’m asking why
I’m asking why
Nobody gives an answer
I’m just asking why.

But someday we’ll meet again
And I’ll ask you
I’ll ask you why
Why it has to be like this
I’m asking you why
Please give me an answer.

Many years and stupid fights
Till we accept to see
How it was and it’ll always be.

Why it has to be like this
Why we don’t realize
Why we’re too blind to see the one
Who’s always on our side.

I’m asking why
I’m asking why
Nobody gives an answer
I’m just asking why.

Just tell me why Why it has to be like this
That the good ones disappear
I’m asking you why

I’m asking why
I’m asking why
Nobody gives an answer
I’m just asking why

I’m asking why …

Polite as usual, Go Fuck Yourself

This is an interesting letter sent to The Pirate Bay (one of my fav sites) by some bloody American Corporation. Read the reply below. You will love it.

Date: Sat, 21 Aug 2004 18:21:43 -0100 (GMT)From: anakataTo: KMWLAW@flash.net[/email]Subject: Re: Unauthorized Use of DreamWorks SKGProperties

On Mon, 23 Aug 2004 KMWLAW@flash.net wrote:

> Dennis L. Wilson, Esq.> KEATS McFARLAND & WILSON, LLP> 9720 Wilshire Blvd., Penthouse Suite> Beverly Hills, CA 90212> Tel: (310) 248-3830> Fax: (310) 860-0363>>> August 23, 2004>>> VIA ELECTRONIC MAIL> AND U.S. MAIL>> ThePirateBay.org> Box 1206> Stockholm 11479> SWEDEN>> [email]tracker-40-aa-5f-03-412675c8@prq.to>> Re: Unauthorized Use of DreamWorks SKG Properties> http://www.thepiratebay.org>> To Whom It May Concern:>> This letter is being written to you on behalf> of our client, DreamWorks SKG (hereinafter ^Ó> DreamWorks^Ô).DreamWorks is the exclusive> owner of all copyright,trademark and other> intellectual property rights in and to the>  ^ÓShrek 2^Ô motion picture. No one is> authorized to copy, reproduce, distribute, or> otherwise use the ^ÓShrek 2^Ô motion picture> without the express written permission of> DreamWorks.[...]> As you may be aware, Internet Service Providers> can be held liable if they do not respond to> claims of infringement pursuant to the> requirements of the  Digital Millennium> Copyright Act (DMCA). In accordance with the> DMCA, we request your assistance in the removal> of infringements of the ^ÓShrek 2^Ô motion> picture from this web site and any other sites> for which you act as an Internet Service Provider.> We further declare under penalty of perjury that> we are authorized to act on behalf of DreamWorks> and that the information in this letter is> accurate. Please contact me immediately to>discuss this matter further.

As you may or may not be aware, Sweden is not astate in the United States of America. Sweden is acountry in northern Europe. Unless you figured itout by now, US law does not apply here. For yourinformation, no Swedish law is being violated.

Please be assured that any further contact with us,regardless of medium, will result ina) a suit being filed for harassmentb) a formal complaint lodged with the bar of yourlegal counsel, for sending frivolous legal threats.

It is the opinion of us and our lawyers that you are...... morons, and that you should please gosodomize yourself with retractable batons.

Please also note that your e-mail and letter will bepublished in full onhttp://www.thepiratebay.org.

Go fuck yourself.

Polite as usual,anakata

Check this link for more imba letters!!!

UCO Bank SUKS

Letter that I wrote to the Branch Manager of UCO Bank,BIT Mesra, Ranchi, on the day I closed my account there. Written in a bit of a hurry and hence may seem a little amateurish.

To The Bank Manager
UCO Bank
BIT Mesra

Sub: About your bank (this branch)

Sir,

Today I am a happy man. Because I finally closed my UCO account. I have seen many banks and many more branches. Without any exception or doubt, I can confidently state that this branch (BIT Mesra) of UCO Bank is the most inefficient and customer unfriendly branch I have ever seen.

My mother works in a nationalised bank like the UCO Bank. And I have seen her work. I know how a bank should treat its customers. In this particular branch, customers (especially us students) are treated vermin, crap that no one wants, disturbances that interrupt the employees’ favourite pastimes. The employees here seem to be talking to their colleagues half of the time. The rest of the day they drink tea. So when a customer comes, he is merely a disturbance.

Outside the bank, it says that the working hours are from 10:00 AM on weekdays. My mother tells me that this means that the employees should reach by 9:30 AM and that customers should be able to get their jobs done from sharp 10:00 AM. Here, the employees arrive at 10:15 and by the time the tea-drinking and gossiping is done, it is 10:30. I even saw this happen TODAY.

I have had some interesting experiences with this bank. This bank lost passbook and then charged me Rs 25 for a new passbook. I have had an employee of yours shout at me in front o all the other customers just because I went and asked him for a signature. By far, this is one of the worst experiences in my life and there is no chance whatsoever hat I will ever forget this.

(I sure hope that you will read this. There is a lot more to write. I just don’t have the time.)

Yours Sincerely,
Hari
Former A/c Holder

Bite my shiny ass mofos…